Back to Me
by Rebecca1
Summary: It's been four years and JJ's ready to finally be with Spencer again. She just doesn't doesn't know whether he'll take the chance on her.


**An attempt at a new one-shot with the song 'Make it Back to Me' by Ben Haenow for inspiration.**

 **\- . - . - . - . - . - . - .**

JJ took a deep breath as she glanced up at Spencer's door. All day she'd known she was going to do this but the nerves hadn't decreased – in fact they'd only gotten worse the closer the evening drew. She'd had to speak to him and be with him all day and she'd nearly caved and asked him but it would have been humiliating for both of them. It was easier for them to do this in private. Theoretically. Shaking her head and taking another deep breath, she knocked on the doctor's door and waited. In the cold.

"Jayje?" Reid asked in surprise, opening the door just as the woman was turning to walk away. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine." The blonde tried to smile at him but even she knew it looked false. "Can I come in?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah of course." The genius stumbled over his words, remembering his manners. As JJ walked inside and Reid took her coat, hanging it on a coat hanger beside his door she re-familiarised herself with his apartment. Not much had changed – the bookshelves were still crammed with books; albeit there was an added bookshelf with more books and said bookshelves were looking like they were ready to collapse at any moment from the weight, the same dark sofa was still facing the same tv. He had the same curtains, carpeting and wallpaper. JJ was surprised by how comforted she was by this fact, the fact that in an ever changing world some things didn't have to change. During her time of contemplation her co-worker had managed to make coffee and now stood in front of her with a strange look on his face, gesturing for her to take one of the two cups. She imagined how concerning this situation might seem to him, her turning up on his doorstep out of the blue and just staring at, well nothing in particular. She thankfully took the mug and sipped from it, almost letting free a moan at how good it was.

"What's going on Jennifer?" Spencer's voice had grown more serious, more adamant now. She let a real smile slip as she compared the difference between the Spencer of now to the one she used to know and there was a lot of difference. The way he carried himself was different, he was more confident, he'd just accepted who he was and grown into his own. "JJ?"

"I'm sorry. I just…" She laughed self-consciously, pushing her blonde hair behind her ear.

"You just…?" The genius implored her to finish.

"This is harder than I thought it would be." The woman looked up and really looked at him. She knew she had to tell him. In the end, she made the first decision and she was going to let him make their final one. He could end their story or let it continue.

"What is? You're going to have to give me something. I don't understand." Reid ran a hand through his now short hair in what she knew was frustration – because he had nothing. No piece of the puzzle for him to solve. She almost grinned at the notion, but at this point that'd be pretty inappropriate and given the seriousness of this conversation and the fact that in about five minutes it was possible that her heart could be broken she didn't think it was the time.

"You told me you'd be better than you were and that you'd change and become deserving of me." She watched as he noticeably stiffened and his eyes became guarded but she gathered every bit of strength she had and forged ahead. "I broke up with you and moved on when you may very well have needed me most and I'm sorry. I didn't ever forget you though. I could never forget you, not through lack of trying." She laughed though it wasn't really a laugh so much as a nervous reaction to the suffocating tension in the room.

"What is this JJ?" The tension in his voice was palpable. She knew he was fighting to stay calm, that he didn't want to let her continue. She knew it still hurt him and it was killing her to know that – she had actually thought he was over her. They were friends, or that's how he acted with her, completely platonic. But then again she had asked for that. After a tense few months which everybody else had blamed on drug addiction he suddenly became friendly. Considering everyday was a fight for her to get over him she'd been both upset and offended by how easy it seemed for him and so she'd endeavoured to do the same and eventually did – or pretended to. Apparently, they were both good at pretending.

"The truth is I need you. I may have replaced you with somebody else in a time when I needed it but it's always been you. It will always be you. Back then all you were doing was hurting me and I couldn't take it, I needed to get out, I needed to find something and I found that with Will but it wasn't enough. I never felt as much or as deeply for him or with anyone as I did with you. I've always loved you. I still love you." Memories of laughing and fighting and being held by him flashed in front of her eyes as tears fell down her cheeks. Reid said nothing, he just stood there as still as a statue taking her in, that same guarded expression on his face.

Turning away from her, jaw locked and body tense, he walked to the kitchen counter placing his mug down hoping the reprieve would calm him. When he opened the door to her tonight he hadn't been expecting that and if he were truly honest with himself there was a part of him that had always wanted her to show up at his door saying those things to him but he had grown up now. He was older and his outlook on life was different. He didn't pine for her like he used to. He still wanted her but he could live without her – hell he had for four years.

"Spence?" He could hear the fear and hesitance in her voice and almost cringed against it but her feelings weren't his problem anymore.

"Get out Jennifer." Spencer grated out without turning around to face her. He didn't think he'd be able to do it if he did and he knew he needed to make her leave. They couldn't do this with each other again.

"But I-"

"I said get out!" The genius did turn around this time with a deadly glare to boot, in time to watch his friend shrink back against it. He took a breath of what he refused to believe was anything but relief when she turned to leave.

"You know what no I'm not going to leave!" The blonde liaison charged forward and into his personal space. He forgot how attractive she was when she was furious with him, it almost made him smile. "I won't let you make me feel like I'm the bad guy for laying my feelings on the line just because you're too scared to do the same. I know why you are but don't blame me for that. It's taken me months to get up the courage to do this and I won't have you make me feel like crap for it. I'll walk out of here and feel proud for it even if you do reject me!"

"You have a child with another man JJ. You have to have some sort of feelings for a person to consider having a child with them. I'm not rejecting you, there's nothing to reject. You wanted me to listen and I listened, I'm now asking that you leave. Whether you feel bad for coming in here and saying what you've said is on you not me." Spencer told her, his voice calm belying his anger. Was she trying to blame him for her feeling bad? Maybe she felt bad because she had something to feel bad about and he wasn't scared to lay feelings on the line!

"I didn't intend to get pregnant!" Jennifer shouted at him. They both stood there in a shocked silence for a moment. "I wouldn't change or regret Henry. Ever. I don't know how it happened – we always used protection but I got pregnant. I didn't want to stay with Will and I intended to break up with him but then I got pregnant and so I stayed with him for Henry. He needed a father."

"Henry still needs his father JJ." Spencer's voice was terse.

"Me and Will have been broken up for months, you know that. I can't be with someone I don't love. He knows that and so do I. It's not fair to either of us, or Henry. Anyway, he's happy now."

The genius remembered this. Will and JJ's break-up had been amicable and soon thereafter Will had met a nice, pretty woman well suited to him. They were now happily in love and engaged, soon to be married. They were all invited to the wedding; JJ included.

"Tell me one thing," the blonde stared directly into his eyes, something he knew to be a bad sign, before continuing. "Tell me you don't still love me and I'll go right now."

He looked at her, really looked at her. Into her eyes, at her face which seemed to get more beautiful the older she got, at her hair and down to her slim body and knew that he still loved her. Of course, he had two options at this point; lie to her and have her leave and wonder what could have been or tell her the truth and take a chance on her. Decisions. Jennifer seemed to wilt right in front of him the longer it took for him to answer, the light went out in her eyes and it seemed she died a little – the spark and all hope leaving her. He didn't think it was a physical thing that a person could ever actually watch until that moment and he didn't think it would gut him but it did. He saw tears form in her eyes as she shook her head and turned away from him and in that instant he made his decision. Grabbing her hand, he whirled her back to him so that they were chest to chest and he crushed his mouth to hers, in a passionate almost punishing kiss.

"I won't let you leave again." He informed her when they came up for air.

"I don't want to." She promised as he nipped at her neck. "I love you."

"I love you too." He repeated picking her up by the thighs so she was straddling his waist and carrying her to the bedroom. "Now, Miss Jareau, I believe we have some catching up to do."

 **\- . - . - . - . - . - . - . - .**

 **Thanks for reading**

 **Please let me know what you think ?**


End file.
